”But when you go online, it takes away your personality.
That really courageous way that you approached her in the coffee shop. The way you smiled at her, or made her feel comfortable and warm. Instead, she sees your picture, compared side by side with a hundred pictures of other guys.
After all, pretty girls are hit on all the time in real life. The only reason is because she has kids, or perhaps because she’s unattractive, or maybe she has some personal baggage.
I’d say about 90% of the women on the dating websites I visit have kids. But dealing with the ex-husband who might be really possessive can be scary. I spent more time with the kid than I ever did with her. I didn’t have the time to learn about her, because I was too busy taking care of the kid. But when 90% of the girls online have kids, you’re basically relegating yourself to ONLY girls with kids.
Now, I know that it seems cruel to favor girls without kids, but – I’ve dated single mothers before. Also, when a woman has a kid, it’s harder to find any time to learn who the woman is. I played with him, disciplined him, tucked him in at night, and read him stories – the whole thing. So when we finally hit a small bump in the road, the relationship crumbled. And with Christmas around the corner, I’m simply not ready to be a father figure AND Santa Claus.
The girls online who don’t have kids usually have other baggage.
Either they are very unattractive to me, or they have some kind of rude personality that turns guys off to them in real life. Occasionally, there are attractive single girls without kids who appear online.
I think the record so far is the 74-year-old who said he could have his daughter pick him up at the nursing home and bring him into the city if I were willing to meet for coffee. Your last line is telling, though, and hints at the broader trend. Unfortunately, it seems that all the men my age only want much younger women, which leaves me with the 20-somethings who think “MILF” is an appropriate subject line and write messages about being “into older women,” and the aforementioned geriatric (or borderline) set. If everyone is looking downstream, age-wise (except the few who have a “kink” for older types), where does that leave those of us who really are looking for a peer? Should I adjust my objectives to what the market has to offer?
So she will never click on my profile out of the blue, because she’ll think, “eh, he’s bald, next, next, next.”When a girl goes on a dating website, she is in a shopping kind of a mode.
But when you meet a girl in real life, she’s not necessarily shopping and judging. It’s a magical and spontaneous thing, and it’s completely lost on a website.
You’re done with the bar scene and you’re very much interested in settling down to have a family of your own. Well, if you’re born in 1971, you’re part of Generation X. Your friends are buying their first houses and having their first kids. Maybe he’ll still be vigorous enough to keep up with your active lifestyle. Next, since you can’t convince someone to date an older man, stop trying.
And then you, the 36-year-old woman, post your profile, and what happens? It doesn’t stop older men from writing, but at least you don’t have to explain yourself to a man who doesn’t want to hear your perfectly valid explanation. But you must understand that any woman you desire online has choices. She can go out with a cute, successful man who is 35. To find out who IS interested, try Match.com’s Reverse Match.